i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
