ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
