no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
