omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
