i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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