3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
