He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
