do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
