you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
