I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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