Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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