remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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