Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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