you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
