dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize