No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
