Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
