Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
