at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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