Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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