so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize