Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
