why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
