Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
do herpes really smell.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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