you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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