well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize