Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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