this just has baby written all over it
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
