Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
