Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
