I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
