My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
