Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Of course I have a pirate flag
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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