I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
ok first of all what the fuck
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
