Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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