I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
being pregnant is like rehab
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize