so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
