Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
