I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i think i just lost a toe
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
