if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize