i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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