The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
