we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Your penis caused this!
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