you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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