Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
