Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
