In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
