There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
