so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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