Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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