i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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