are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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