Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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