she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
