when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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