I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
