the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
