its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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