Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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