You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
