No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
