just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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