Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
