I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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