he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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