I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize